Bah humbug!
by jwg676
Summary: Christmas in Sereitei


**Title:** Bah, humbug!

**Rating:** Comedy

**Pairing / Characters: **Yamamoto, several division captains

**Word Count: **816 words

**Warnings: **Nothing really

**Summary: **Christmas in Soul Society

**A/N: **I think Aizen's one was my favourite, for obvious reasons… and I can only picture Yamamoto… well, you get the idea…

December.

The month of Christmas.

The time of snowball fights, Christmas carols, presents, love, peace, and goodwill to all men.

In Soul Society, it was the time of raging tempers, roaring hangovers, hatred and general cattiness to all shinigami.

'This has got to stop,' stated one Kyouraku Shunsui, sipping at his sake. 'Sereitei is in an uproar.'

'What are we supposed to do? Every year it's like this,' Soi Fon pointed out icily.

Jyuushirou grinned. 'Get every one into the Christmas spirit, of course,' he said wickedly. 'I have a plan…'

Shunsui perked up. 'Really? What?'

Jyuushirou's grin widened. 'First we need a Santa Claus, and you know who would be perfect?'

Unohana eyes him warily. 'Who?'

'Well, it's sort of like this…'

Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni howled with rage.

'YOU WANT ME TO WHAT?'

'Don't look at me like that, Genryuusai-sensei, it's perfect,' Jyuushirou pointed out. 'Not only will you er… foster interdivisional peace, but it could actually be fun!'

Yamamoto glared at him. 'I take it this was your idea?'

'Er… kind of,' Jyuushirou admitted.

'Fine,' the old shinigami muttered. 'I'll only do this because I won't lose face in front of my captains.'

'Good. Here's your Santa suit, Kisuke ordered it for me from the living world.'

Jyuushirou and the remaining captains left Yamamoto to the contemplation of the garish suit, and stepped out into the wintry day.

'Do you really believe it will foster interdivisional peace?' Byakuya asked curiously.

Jyuushirou laughed. 'No… I just wanted to see if he'd actually wear the suit Kisuke made.'

'Made? I thought you said he ordered it!'

Jyuushirou sniggered. 'I lied.'

_Second division:_

'Ho, ho, ho!'

Soi Fon clapped a hand to her forehead as her officers abandoned their training the moment a figure in a bright red Santa suit rounded the corner, a large sack thrown over his shoulder. Her eyes bulged as he began to hand out small, brightly wrapped boxes to her officers, who accepted them eagerly.

With a final 'ho, ho, ho,' he handed her the last gift. Soi Fon inspected the box warily before tearing off the wrapper to find – a bright red, lacy pair of –

Her scream of rage followed Yamamoto out of the compound.

_Fifth division:_

Aizen stared at his soutaichou, his eyes round behind his glasses.

'A – a Santa suit?' he demanded incredulously.

'Shut your mouth,' Yamamoto hissed. 'This is bad enough as it is without your comments.'

He threw a box at the captain, who unwrapped it to find - 'a comic book?' he wondered aloud.

'Who is this 'Brain' and why does he want to take over the world?'

_Sixth division:_

'Er… Kuchiki-taichou? I think you should probably come and see this…'

Byakuya got to his feet. 'He didn't.'

'Pardon?'

'Nothing,' Byakuya muttered, and slid open the office door and stared in shock at Yamamoto, who looked as though he'd been decorated with a handful of tinsel.

'Ho, ho, ho,' Yamamoto scowled. 'Here, this is for you, and this is for you, Abarai.'

Byakuya turned the plain white box over, reading the name before going a funny shade of pink and handing it back.

'I refuse,' he muttered.

Renji took the box before Yamamoto could.

'Ne, Kuchiki-taichou, why is Unohana-taichou giving you presents?'

_Eighth division:_

Shunsui's laughter echoed around his division as Yamamoto stalked out of the gates, leaving his bewildered shinigami just standing there. Shunsui opened the card to find his fukutaichou's handwriting inside.

'Why Nanao-chan, I'm touched,' he told her, unwrapping it carefully to reveal a small book with a no nonsense cover.

'Wait, "how to go cold turkey in ten days"? Nanao-chan!'

_Tenth division:_

Hitsugaya eyed his gift, and then his giggling lieutenant, eyebrow twitching.

'What the hell is in here, Matsumoto?'

'A present,' Matsumoto said innocently. 'Open it, taichou.'

Hitsugaya unwrapped the present, opened the box, and the tips of his ears went bright red.

'The – the – the tale of Genji?' he demanded incredulously.

'Matsumoto pouted. 'Don't you like it?'

'Matsumoto!!!!'

_Eleventh division:_

Yamamoto stomped towards Zaraki, growled 'hohoho' and threw a teddy bear at him with a pink bow around its neck and a placard bearing the name 'ken-chan'. Zaraki stared at the bear, then at his soutaichou, then at Yachiru, who was pulling the wings off a Christmas beetle.

She smiled up at him innocently. 'Do you like it, Ken-chan? I got it because it reminded me of you.'

Madarame and Yumichika were trying their utmost not to burst out laughing when Zaraki said ominously 'laugh, and next year you'll be wearing the Santa suit.'

Both of them shut up immediately.

Jyuushirou smiled at Yamamoto. 'This was fun, don't you agree? We should do it again next year.'

Yamamoto propped his head on his hand. 'I'm canceling Christmas.'

'You can't do that!' Jyuushirou protested. 'I think almost everyone had a good time.'

Yamamoto glared at him. 'Bah, humbug.'

(Owari)


End file.
